Hitler Died!

When it comes to the demise of a conspiracy theory, Eric Renderking Fisk laments that this one’s time has come...

Eric Renderking Fisk | May 23rd, 2018

There are two types of people who were hoping that Hitler hadn’t died in Berlin at the end of World War 2. There are people like me who simply wanted the chance to kill him ourselves, but we missed our chance. Then there are those of us who hoped he survived so he could lead them in the rise of The Fourth Reich. 

For the Nazi skinheads, white supremacists, or run of the mill bigots who believe everyone who isn't like them are automatically inferior just because, and everyone who has wet dreams of exterminating anyone who doesn't meet their definition of "perfection;" I have nothing other than the obvious.

But for the rest of us, wow. The idea of the world’s greatest boogie man (second only to the rogue IRS agent with your tax return in his hand) surviving justice and still being out there somewhere to cause more trouble is something of campfire ghost stories and late-night AM radio talk shows. The idea that the supreme leader of the ultimate evil, the greatest evil the world has ever known might still be out there to wreak havoc on the rest of the world is just too much to resist.

It's sensational. It's stirs the imagination. It's actually fun to think of what diabolical plots Hitler might have been scheming all those years in his secret villa where he lived after managing to escape the countless solders closing in on him. What could his mad scientists have been working on under his supervision?

We want it to be true because of what I wrote already; we want the chance to be heroes and defeat him again. There's a reason why the "Wolfenstein" video game franchise is so popular.

There are dozens of theories about how Hitler escaped and who it was that was lying charred to a crisp with a bullet hole to the melon before being set ablaze in the bunker underneath the Reich Chancellery - the leading theory is that it must have been one of his body doubles who were surgically altered to look like him as to divert a sniper’s bullet.

Alas, thanks to cutting edge research and the results of tests of the teeth that were found in the bunker turned Weber grill, there can be no doubt that it really was him. Hitler is really dead and has been dead since April 30th, 1945. 

"But Eric, you're a conspiracy theorist! What happens if we lose this 'theory'?" Trust me, there are more than enough conspiracy theories to keep us busy for decades to come. There's also the dozen or so conspiracy FACTS we still must contend with, too.

Nope, Hitler needs to die. He needs to have died and remained dead since April 1945.

In this age of soft-fascism and soft-Nazism, we need Hitler to be dead and remain dead because we still share a world with people who believe that the only way we can have "peace" or a "perfect world" is to have a twisted version of sameness. We still live in a world where supremist demand that everyone conform to their sick and twisted manifesto of homology and Hitler is the sick emoji of it all.

A Hitler that might have escaped death before fleeing to his secret camp in South America, keeps hope alive for those sick, evil mental runts. Hitler needs to have died in that bunker back then with all his hopes and dreams to begin to truly die with him. We need a history lesson that says "See, this is what happens when you become an evil bastard who commits acts of genocide while trying to take over the world."