a Song That Reminded Me of Long ago.

June 20th, 2008 - By Eric 'Renderking' Fisk

Just wanted to throw this out there as a means of saying both "I'm sorry for being inactive" and at the same time ask you folks to share your story about a similar situation if you have one...

Here, let me explain...

I grew up in Brattleboro, Vermont. And this week there's the 20th year reunion for the Class Of 1988... and I'll be attending one if not both of the events that will be held. Much of who I am is where I'm from. And where I'm from finds its way into these pages from time to time.

During the past couple of months I've been talking with some of my fellow class mates about what happened way back then. Some of which you can read in my rant: "Celebrities Of Suicide." There have been some "I didn't know that" moments, coupled with the sometimes comforting, sometimes alarming "I didn't know that about myself, either" instances. Very cathartic, very therapeutic none the less. It's a scary yet wonderful thing to share with others the good things you thought about them while at the same time seeing yourself through someone else's eyes, nourishing your Cooley's "Looking Glass Self," and maybe some Freudian aspects of your own identity such as your Super-Ego and Id.

In many ways, I feel as if this coming weekend is the climax or the conclusion to this period, with the epilogue soon to be written. I'm more excited about that then I was about writing the review of the movie we all waited 18 years to see.

There are a few things that I've let slide while dealing with an issue which I'll be publishing soon, "... Boats Against The Current" that's more of a sequel or companion piece to the other rant and hasn't been finished yet since this weekend hasn't happened yet.

One of the issues that I'm dealing with is the burden of guilt I feel because I left too soon before I had the chance to tell some people where I was going. I literally left home with what I could carry in a surplus army pack on my back, the clothes I was wearing and the fedora on my head. There were some people who were pretty pissed off that I left with out saying anything, while there were others that were pretty glad to see me go! This weekend I'll be facing some music and trying to make amends. Some of the people won't be there, either because they have no interest because they don't feel as if they fit in, or because they are no longer with us. I wish I could change all that, just this one weekend.

It's horrible how the things that happen to us when we are younger effect us for the rest of our lives. The words that are said in jest because we think are witty or funny might come off as cruel and bitter for someone on the receiving end. There have been times when I've wondered how many people have I hurt because I said something that I thought was clever, not knowing that those people who were the targets of my barbs had it just as bad, if not worse, then I did at home or in social circles.

Realizing this, it makes it easier for folks who cut me with some words to be forgiven.

There are people who I think deserve to be there, and I think others should be there so they can see how the rest of us turned out just so they can be assured that some of us got better with age while The Beautiful People have passed on their crowns to a new generation. There are those, like myself, who might need some assurance that it's OK to let go of some issues.

What does all this mean to you folks?

Since 1982, I've been wondering about you folks. Yep, those of you who have been into The Vintage Look as long as I have, either because of the classics we all loved as they came out on VHS or those of us who discovered this hobby or life style since the release of a movie or two that made wearing a fedora cool again. - I've often wondered about who else was out there, and what issues are you also dealing with. Call me overly sentimental.

One of the issues that I've dealt with here on The Fedora Chronicles and The Indy Experience is the feeling of belonging, of feeling as if you are a group of people that you get, and they get you. At the same time, many of the social and personal issues that plague us have a lot to do with how we felt about ourselves when we were younger and we carry with us for the rest of our lives. It may be why some of us turn to Retro, why some of us go Vintage.

While these events might not have anything to do with what was the name of the manufacturer of the jacket worn by Humphrey Bogart during Casablanca, or what's the true dimensional cut on the brim of an average fedora during the 1930's - this apparent bout of self indulgence might have the clues about others might move on and do greater things with in the Vintage Aficionado community.

How can I turn my personal experience into "news you can use?" Stay tuned.

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More articles from Ren can be found here: The Rant Archive