When pressed for an answer to the question about what he actually does with his time and why he hasn't been able to come up with a genuine humor article... Marty Walsh gives us a outline of what a typical day is like for him.
"Marty's Schedule..."
7:15 - Wake up
7:16 - Realize humor column deadline is approaching
7:17 - Go back to bed
8:28
- Wake up again
8:30 - Wash hands in bathroom
8:32 - Use toilet
8:41 - Realize last two steps got reversed, wash hands again
8:43 - Get dressed in usual garb
8:44 - Stomp on roach
8:51 - Brood over the fact that Candy married someone else
9:00
- Sit down to hearty breakfast
9:19 - Brood some more
9:28 - Remember that this is not Saturday;
rush off to work late
10:14 - Arrive at work late (I hate this job)
10:15 - Mark in
notebook that "10:14" is a new record
10:22 - Do some hard-core
brooding
10:30 - Spend next half-hour watching phones at reception.
(not difficult; no calls come in)
11:00 - Fantasize about Marcia,
the account exec.
11:30
- Take early lunch
12:00 - Return to office, watch phones do nothing
for awhile
12:30 - Take another lunch
12:59 - Ponder Occam's
Razor and other assorted philosophies
1:15 - Get company car washed
(I hate this job)1:45 - Take late lunch
2:15 - Return to office; take break to brainstorm
for humor column
2:49 - Wake up from unexpected nap
3:03
- Act as tech-support for boss, who cannot get his computer to work
3:04 - Turn on boss' computer (which fixes the problem)
3:40 - Stare
at clock & silent phones
3:50 - Count fingers
3:56 - Brood
3:59 - Answer phone call, only to find it of the obscene variety
4:00
- Plug in obscene call into PA to filter it throughout office for personal
amusement
4:01 - Feign innocence and watch everyone's shocked expressions
4:02 - Push envelope of amusement further by identifying caller through
caller ID
4:03 - Finally hang up on Boss' son
4:38 - Make mental
note to kill self some time before 5 o' clock (I hate this job)
4:55
- Watch as boss strolls in, asks for carb-free pizza, without cheese
4:59 - Raise fist in defiance at the cruelty of the cosmos
5:03 - Continue
to brood
5:27 - Deliberately break office copier, blame it on gnomes
5:30 - Offer to run out to make repairs, declare that trip will take no
more than 15 minutes
5:31 - Go straight home
6:11 - Arrive home,
stomp on roach
6:22 - Sit down to hearty dinner (same as breakfast- yecch!)
7:04
- Ignore angry messages on answering machine
7:29 - Get in some quality
brooding down the road at Farmer Grave's field
8:10
- Return home, stare at clock
9:00 - Realize now would be good time
to write for column
9:02 - Realize that writing cannot be done on empty
stomach
9:25 - Look to entire 1st season of "Sanford & Son" DVD for
inspiration
12:30 - Marvel at ability to procrastinate
12:32 - Turn in for the night.
G'night, all!
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