"How would you like to find that under your Christmas Tree?"

[Eric Renderking Fisk]

One of my idioms is a take on the phrase, "How would you like to find that under your Christmas tree" or variations of that theme.

If I see a nice car (or a horrible one, for that matter,) I'll ask my wife; "How would you like to find that in our driveway?"

If I see something nice like a pool, I'll ask; "How would you like to find that in our back yard?"

If there was a cool looking girl, I would ask my brother "How would you like to find her shoes under your bed tommorow morning?"

And when other holidays roll around, I would change the phrase to "How would you like to find that in your Easter Basket?" or "How would you like to find that in your Trick-Or-Treat bag?" "How would you like to find that in your stuffed turkey?"and "How would you like to find that in your fireworks?"

One time we were watching a documentary on monkeys and there was an ape picking his nose and I said "Hey, Darwin... how would you like that ape in your family tree?" Gets laughs.

I was wondering; where did I get that? The I remember a movie staring Gary Lockwood called "They Came To Rob Las Vegas" and the only thing I remember about the film were two obnoxious characters who used that phrase once or twice. I thought it was just funny and picked it up. I'm not sure if I remember this right or not...

How about you guys? Do you have favorite idioms or favorite phrases?

[n11pilot]

I have a phrase I use from time to time. In fact, unless someone can prove differently I may have invented it when a girl I was dating back in the 80s told me,"I think we should just be friends."

The phrase is,"Doesn't affect my rate of climb."

The phrase can be taken two ways; one, whatever the problem it is so insignificant it doesn't matter, or two, the problem is significant but I'm not going to let it bother me.


Variations:

"That doesn't affect my rate of climb."

"It won't affect my rate of climb."

"You think that is going to affect my rate of climb?"

[AeroDillo]

"Above my pay grade."

Means approximately the same thing as Pilot's; either it doesn't bother me especially, it's not my responsibility, or it's ideally better left to somebody more competent in a given department.

"Overweight and out of CG."

Frequently used (from the sidelines) to describe any nearby undertaking with a high probability of failure. Often -but not always - accompanied by "Yeah, that'll work" or less commonly "Lemme get popcorn", depending on the scope of impending disaster.

Depending on the respectability of company, there's also the ever popular "S--tload of f--k", which is most often used in describing the outcome of a project which was undertaken despite being overweight and out of CG, thus leaving a mess to be handled by people above my pay grade.

[Super Ordinary Guy]

Not in my lane of fire.......

Like what Freddie Prinz used to say in Chico and the Man... Not My job Man.....

[Indy Parise]

"That sounds like a you problem"
Stolen from a friend at school, used when someone has spent far too much time and energy bitching about something that is not only insignificant, but usually their fault. Can also be used in more of a joking manner among friends.

"I know I'm going to fail this class. I mean, I know I never have my homework but it's really not my..."

"That sounds like a you problem."

Also, one I'd imagine is fairly common:

"KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
Used when something is so appalling that the only logical response you can come up with is to order its destruction via fire. For instance, as you walk past your dorm and see a hipster holding a PBR in one hand and a joint in the other spewing "intellectual" rhetoric and claiming to defend his freedom of speech while simultaneously silencing any who oppose him with what amounts to "la la la I can't hear you."* "KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!" is appropriate and encouraged.

*Yes, this happens...every day almost. It's enough to drive you mad.

[AeroDillo]

"KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!"

...which is one step down from "Nuke it from orbit - it's the only way to be sure."

[Indy Parise]

"KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!"

...which is one step down from "Nuke it from orbit - it's the only way to be sure."

Or, from my room mates who play Mass Effect, "Just hit it with a precision orbital strike." Of course delivered nonchalantly as if any other solution would be simply ridiculous.

[CharlieB]

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" - Hanlon's Razor

Whenever I cannot believe someone did something...

[The Oracle]

When I point out things that you are not really suppose to say especially those that are not too PC I say, "I'm not saying, I'm just saying"

When I want things to happen right now it is, "Move Out and Draw Fire!" (Even got my wife saying that one from time to time).

Last, when someone points out the obvious it's, "Imagine that!"

[Blackthorn]

Mrs B and I watched Lonesome Dove, the mini series, over the weekend and I was reminded of one phrase I used for many years. It was in the book, not the movie. When Gus finally meets up with July Johnson for the first time, Gus is asking to borrow July's horse to ride into battle against 6 Comancheros, and July says something along the lines of "I lost my wife. I've been searching for her for months." And you know Gus is thinking, "What the...what does that have to do with me getting ready to ride in, guns blazing in just a few minutes?" But all he says is a milquetoast "Life's a twisting stream." It's along the same lines as Rick Blaine's dismissive comment in Casablanca, "Everyone in Casablanca has problems. Yours may work out."

For years after reading Lonesome Dove, whenever I'd hear someone making an off the wall comment that was unrelated to reality, and they were expecting some kind of caring comment from me, I'd give them the "life's a twisting stream." I found that everyone took it in some context that made them feel I had sympathized with them.

Over the years that has morphed into "We live in a broken world." I use it mostly when I hear someone complaining endlessly. We have a guy working at my plant who comes in every day with a different set of gripes. His wife is mad at him over nothing. He gives his daughter an endless supply of money that she spends on fancy restaurants, and then she wants more and he doesn't have it. His boss is mean to him. HIs mother insulted him. And my reply is always the same, "We live in broken world." it's a little nicer way of saying "Everyone in Casablanca has problems..."

[n11pilot]

Mrs B and I watched Lonesome Dove, the mini series, over the weekend and I was reminded of one phrase I used for many years. It was in the book, not the movie. When Gus finally meets up with July Johnson for the first time, Gus is asking to borrow July's horse to ride into battle against 6 Comancheros, and July says something along the lines of "I lost my wife. I've been searching for her for months." And you know Gus is thinking, "What the...what does that have to do with me getting ready to ride in, guns blazing in just a few minutes?" But all he says is a milquetoast "Life's a twisting stream." It's along the same lines as Rick Blaine's dismissive comment in Casablanca, "Everyone in Casablanca has problems. Yours may work out."

For years after reading Lonesome Dove, whenever I'd hear someone making an off the wall comment that was unrelated to reality, and they were expecting some kind of caring comment from me, I'd give them the "life's a twisting stream." I found that everyone took it in some context that made them feel I had sympathized with them.

Over the years that has morphed into "We live in a broken world." I use it mostly when I hear someone complaining endlessly. We have a guy working at my plant who comes in every day with a different set of gripes. His wife is mad at him over nothing. He gives his daughter an endless supply of money that she spends on fancy restaurants, and then she wants more and he doesn't have it. His boss is mean to him. HIs mother insulted him. And my reply is always the same, "We live in broken world." it's a little nicer way of saying "Everyone in Casablanca has problems..."

There is a lot of wisdom to be taken from Lonesome Dove, not the least of which is never trust a man named after colorful waterfowl.

[Blackthorn]

Absolutely true, Pilot.

[Super Ordinary Guy]

There is a lot of wisdom to be taken from Lonesome Dove, not the least of which is never trust a man named after colorful waterfowl.

July Johnson is a colorful waterfowl

Life is a twisting stream, isn't it ?

[Henri Defense]

I read this book called The Dirty Life by Kristin Kimball. In it she tell her story about living her face paced, fancy life in NYC as a writer to marry a farmer and start an organic CSA (community supported agriculture). At one point in the story she tells about how stressful wedding planning and running a farm was, and how her and her husband-to-be got into a major argument over the chairs to be used in the wedding. After a long, needless fight they realized how ridiculous they were being, and from that point forward, anytime an argument that was trite, one had to simply say "chairs" and it had to be dropped.

I told my fiance about this, and we adopted the rule as well. Somebody says "chairs" in an argument, it has to be dropped instantly, no buts about it.


Another phrase I used to be well known for was telling people to "go screw a goat"... Had been value to it than "piss up a flag pole."



Henri

[The Oracle]

Life is a twisting stream, isn't it ?

Yes it is and, "We dont rent pigs."