The Fedora Chronicles - Slice Of Life: DO AS I SAY AND NOT AS I DO . . .

"DO AS I SAY AND NOT AS I DO . . . "

February 17th, 2006

In the modern world today, families are faced with new challenges and family dynamics that were not in existence when I was bringing up my boys 20 or 30 years ago. As parents in this modern world, resources for support are available that did not exist before. Parents today are seeking more information on effective techniques to create a stronger sense of balance and harmony within their families and lives. All parents want to be their very best in one of the most rewarding journeys... raising children.

In order to improve a child’s quality of life, the focus must also include their environment and relationships. A lack of resources exist on educating parents in handling challenging behavior and facing unexpected situations, in addition to balancing career, parenthood and busy schedules. In order to achieve a reasonable balance and achieve harmony in the household, compromise and additional understanding play important roles. The old adage “Do as I say, not as I do...” is no longer an effective method of teaching a youngster, or trying to get a point or lesson across.

My eight-year-old granddaughter Natalie rarely seemed to listen to her teacher while sitting in the classroom. This lack of interest persisted from the first grade into the second grade. Instead of doing her assignments, she fiddled with her pencil, looked out the window, or simply just stared at - well, the teacher(s) never did determine what it was she was actually looking at.

Needless to say, my son and C were a bit concerned at their daughter’s failure of inquisitiveness. Cecelia, much like myself, was an average student in school; we both had a hassle with all levels of mathematics, especially Algebra. We also had in common a lack of concentration while attending grade school. C was a bit concerned that her lack of interest had somehow been passed on to one of her children, since their eldest school-age child (their 9-year-old son) did not seem to have a problem with classroom attention deficit.

The grade school that Natalie and their eldest son attended has a psychologist on their staff. The school’s principal suggested that my son and daughter-in law meet with the psychologist and their daughter to try and figure out what was going on. Together, with the help of the school psychologist, they learned that her younger brother’s arrival into the household (two years prior to Natalie’s entry into the first grade), coupled with Joy’s appearance so soon after that, was worrying their 8-year-old child more than any child should ever be concerned. My son and C, who were both busy running to the hospital during Joy’s first three months of life, often left Natalie (and all the kids) with a baby-sitter, and had precious little time to devote to any of their other children. The psychologist explained the impact of this crisis had on Natalie, who was unnecessarily bearing the burden of looking after her little brother and sisters because she thought that was her “job.” Concurrently, the physiologist, my son and C, and Natalie, who was included in every session, planned ways for Natalie to get the attention and support she needed, while reassuring her that it was the responsibility of the “big” people to take care of and provide for the “little” people in the home - not hers. It wasn’t long before Natalie became noticeably more engaged toward the end of the year in her second grade classroom - she is presently doing very well in her third grade classroom.

School psychologists work in elementary, middle and high schools or school district offices to solve students' learning and behavior problems and will work in cooperation with teachers, parents and other authority figures in a child’s life. These trained professionals are a wonderful resource for parents that did not exist 20 or 30 years ago and can make an enormous difference in both a child’s life, as well as teaching the parents how to cope with just about any type of crisis (within reason of course).

Parents don’t know everything.... parents learn as they go along. No instructions come with the baby - there is no “manual” for raising children. When an impasse is discovered, it is always best to seek the assistance of trained professionals who, more-often-than-not, can help detect solutions and resolve the issue.

For more articles by V. Bee, visti her archives...
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